I sit here listening to the wind blow outside,
the rain falling on the skylight above my head,
the clock ticking on the wall,
and I realise I have something precious;
complete and utter peace.
I’ve been back home in England for almost eighteen months now, and I recently found myself thinking about how quickly time has passed and how, in such a short space of time, my life has changed so much.
I will never forget the day I asked God to come into my life, the catalyst for all the subsequent change, when I was emotionally at the lowest point I’ve ever been. I won’t go into details, but at the time I could only see one option, and it was a path I would never have believed I’d have even considered a few years earlier. Some people say it’s the coward’s way. I believe it takes a great deal of courage. I didn’t have the guts to go through with it. Instead, I got angry, depressed and weak, blaming everyone else for my situation. Then I asked God for help, and everything changed.
Overnight, all the problems I believed were insurmountable became mere inconveniences. The depression and self recrimination melted away, and I felt free from burden for the first time in my life. I made solid decisions that were for my peace of mind, and stood by those decisions. I saw everything clearly rather than emotionally, and because of this I was able to do what I had to do to preserve my sanity and emotional well being. I came home.
Life certainly hasn’t been a bed of roses, far from it, but it’s my life.
I was lucky enough to find a job right away. I work very long hours, 12-15 hours a day, often seven days a week. I have made many new friends and have re-connected with old ones. I have family who love me, and I them. I have a new car, new apartment, new life, and I get to spend my free time however I wish. I am at ease with myself. Life is good. Life is God.
All it took was time.